I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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