Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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