Whod you bang
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
