To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
