At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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