your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
