i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
