I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
