Four minutes until I can fart!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
