Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
