oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
