Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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