Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize