Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
