I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
