we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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