My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Randomize
