And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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