I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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