So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
