She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
