I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
