I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
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Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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