remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
