My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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