your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
