What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
