Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
