Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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