I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
