I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
