I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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