Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
