We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
