did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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