I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
