Where did you get a picture of my penis
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
