I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
