chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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