Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
