You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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