Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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