You really coming over, don't trick.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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