Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
