and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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