Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
