Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
