I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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