If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
