the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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