dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
