So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
