i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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