u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
