So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm at about main and main street
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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