i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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