3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
