two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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