saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize