I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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