Nicole vs. Life
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
