yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it glows. i had to have it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
