i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's shark week go big or go home
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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