I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
