I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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