He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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