the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
