i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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