Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Can you bring me the toilet please
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
