i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm both gender and math confused
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
