hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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