does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
