I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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