I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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